I have the biggest grin at 2 AM in the morning because Jesus has such a great sense of humor!
It blows me away--it surpasses my finite mind--it is simply "illogical"!
And there is nothing I can do but laugh out loud because it is in moments like these that I acknowledge that God is GOD, and He certainly has many wonderful surprises up His sleeve.
He likes doing the un-ordinary, just because He can.
----
This week, I have been thinking and re-learning a few things about relationships. In the 20 hours I've spent in the ER the past two days, I have spent quite a number of them reading some challenging Christian articles about singleness and marriage and godly relationships, be it in the context of a dating relationship or simply lovin' on neighbors.
I had to acknowledge this week that the enemy has led me to believe that I am undesirable/unworthy/inferior in some way. This came up when I had dinner with two of the most godliest guys I know (who not only bought my dinner but entertained, humored, honored, and encouraged me in many ways as brothers in Christ) who simply challenged me when they recognized this lie I had begun believing. In response to these seeds of doubt, Abba also responded to my heart's cry. That night after dinner, as I stopped by a local Walmart to grocery shop, I was unexpectedly complimented by a stranger in the soap & shampoo aisle. I was quick to respond to thank him in an unflirtatious way, wanting to make the most of the opportunity to see if it could lead to sharing the love of the Gospel, though he caught sight of my covenant ring which led him to assume that I was already married (haha). The next morning, I went to another store, and was approached multiple times by a random police officer who eventually gave me his number, insisting if he could take me out for dinner sometime because my looks had so "mesmerized" him in some way. I thanked him and put his card in my purse, and went into my car and laughed out loud for a long time, for the entire experience was so random and hilarious.
But the truth is this: God was directly responding to my heart's questions, and meeting me exactly where I was: doubtful, discouraged, and questioning this waiting season. Though those two experiences I wrote above were indeed amusing, it was also encouraging because God spoke directly to my insecurities and used random men to compliment me, with one asking me out (such a novelty for me)! It was not the men themselves that I look at, but the reality that it was indeed the Lord who used them to notice me. In fact, it leaves me quite humbled because it was such tangible proof of His love for me; my Papa cares and answers. My Papa thinks I am beautiful and captivating and cherishes me enough that He will use strangers to tell me that. Furthermore, because I know that I am in an purposeful season of singleness, it makes me realize again that the purpose of my life is NOT to settle down with the "right" man and that I do NOT have to manipulate my situation or the people in my life in any way to make them conform to my will of what is ideal.
I was also convicted that I must learn more of Jesus' Bridegroom heart. Ted Dekker summarizes our history as the "Great Romance," in which God has been pursuing us since the beginning of time, and then even more so when the Fall at the Garden of Eden occurred. I love this phrasing, for I think it is extremely Biblical, though I fail to grasp the significance of it when I only focus as God as my Father/Provider. I have begun praying that I may understand more deeply how my Jesus loves me as part of His bride, and how much He loves His collective bride.
Though I long to be pursued by an earthly man right now, I know that I am already being pursued by the Man, and that my heart has already been claimed by Him. He offers me eternal joy, hope, protection, provision, guidance, and unparalleled love, for true love only comes from Him. I laugh (alot) when I am with Him and being in His presence is overwhelming. My laughter is a sign of surrender and trust. I believe that my God is weaving an unexpected, too-good-to-be-true love story for me, and I do not have to spend excessive emotional or physical energy striving for its fulfillment. I will rejoice whenever that perfect timing comes, but until then, I remain laughing and rejoicing and worshiping because my God is the God of the supernatural, of divine pursuit, and showing up in the most unexpected ways.
It blows me away--it surpasses my finite mind--it is simply "illogical"!
And there is nothing I can do but laugh out loud because it is in moments like these that I acknowledge that God is GOD, and He certainly has many wonderful surprises up His sleeve.
He likes doing the un-ordinary, just because He can.
----
This week, I have been thinking and re-learning a few things about relationships. In the 20 hours I've spent in the ER the past two days, I have spent quite a number of them reading some challenging Christian articles about singleness and marriage and godly relationships, be it in the context of a dating relationship or simply lovin' on neighbors.
I had to acknowledge this week that the enemy has led me to believe that I am undesirable/unworthy/inferior in some way. This came up when I had dinner with two of the most godliest guys I know (who not only bought my dinner but entertained, humored, honored, and encouraged me in many ways as brothers in Christ) who simply challenged me when they recognized this lie I had begun believing. In response to these seeds of doubt, Abba also responded to my heart's cry. That night after dinner, as I stopped by a local Walmart to grocery shop, I was unexpectedly complimented by a stranger in the soap & shampoo aisle. I was quick to respond to thank him in an unflirtatious way, wanting to make the most of the opportunity to see if it could lead to sharing the love of the Gospel, though he caught sight of my covenant ring which led him to assume that I was already married (haha). The next morning, I went to another store, and was approached multiple times by a random police officer who eventually gave me his number, insisting if he could take me out for dinner sometime because my looks had so "mesmerized" him in some way. I thanked him and put his card in my purse, and went into my car and laughed out loud for a long time, for the entire experience was so random and hilarious.
But the truth is this: God was directly responding to my heart's questions, and meeting me exactly where I was: doubtful, discouraged, and questioning this waiting season. Though those two experiences I wrote above were indeed amusing, it was also encouraging because God spoke directly to my insecurities and used random men to compliment me, with one asking me out (such a novelty for me)! It was not the men themselves that I look at, but the reality that it was indeed the Lord who used them to notice me. In fact, it leaves me quite humbled because it was such tangible proof of His love for me; my Papa cares and answers. My Papa thinks I am beautiful and captivating and cherishes me enough that He will use strangers to tell me that. Furthermore, because I know that I am in an purposeful season of singleness, it makes me realize again that the purpose of my life is NOT to settle down with the "right" man and that I do NOT have to manipulate my situation or the people in my life in any way to make them conform to my will of what is ideal.
I was also convicted that I must learn more of Jesus' Bridegroom heart. Ted Dekker summarizes our history as the "Great Romance," in which God has been pursuing us since the beginning of time, and then even more so when the Fall at the Garden of Eden occurred. I love this phrasing, for I think it is extremely Biblical, though I fail to grasp the significance of it when I only focus as God as my Father/Provider. I have begun praying that I may understand more deeply how my Jesus loves me as part of His bride, and how much He loves His collective bride.
Though I long to be pursued by an earthly man right now, I know that I am already being pursued by the Man, and that my heart has already been claimed by Him. He offers me eternal joy, hope, protection, provision, guidance, and unparalleled love, for true love only comes from Him. I laugh (alot) when I am with Him and being in His presence is overwhelming. My laughter is a sign of surrender and trust. I believe that my God is weaving an unexpected, too-good-to-be-true love story for me, and I do not have to spend excessive emotional or physical energy striving for its fulfillment. I will rejoice whenever that perfect timing comes, but until then, I remain laughing and rejoicing and worshiping because my God is the God of the supernatural, of divine pursuit, and showing up in the most unexpected ways.
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