Packing is difficult for me. It always has been.
Today, as my family and I clean and pack up the apt, I find myself dragging my feet as I put clothes away in suitcases, sift through the keeps, giveaways, and throwaways, and clear out cabinets and drawers.
It is a slow process as I sort through various papers and possessions from these last few months, holding onto each object for just a few seconds longer, retrospecting over the memories associated with them.
Goodbye hot pink, meant-for-the-Artic snow boots. Goodbye fleece pants and wool jackets. Until next time, Papa Gio's.
My nostalgia is further evoked by my 19 yr old brother's serenade of Lifehouse's "You and Me" on his guitar. He came up here for a visit three weeks ago and is leaving to TX this evening. Since he's done with his bags, serenading us with acoustic and jazz music is the next best option. Thanks, Dave.
A 23 year lifetime of constantly moving has never made me to be a quick or efficient packer. My mom is--in fact, she is the one primarily doing the packing right now, bustling around our apt like a busy bee, set on a mission, pushing me to pick up my pace. I can't seem to do it today. She stops me, and gently says, "Syeldy, it's time to move on again."
I slowly nod in agreement, feeling the lump in my throat rise, and a funny stirring in my chest.
This will be my eighth move in the past year since graduating from college, but the second transition to a different state. Five months ago, I moved from Texas to Massachusetts. In the next few days, I'll be moving from Massachusetts to Illinois. In the coming months, I am expecting to move to Indonesia.
When the Spirit told me the beginning of this year that 2013 would be my year of surrender, I couldn't fathom all the changes it would bring. As I look back, I see His hand of gentleness and kindness over each step of the way, revealing idols in my heart, exposing great roots of fear, removing these idols and fears, drawing me deeper into Himself. But it has been hard and I have rebelled inwardly, cried often, and complained much in lament over what I thought I had lost.
When we first settled here in February, it was extremely cold, snowy, and gloomy. In my heart and mind, it was also a month of darkness and despair. I felt uprooted from my Dallas community and I grieved it. I realized that my dear friends had become like idols and Dallas my comfort zone, and Jesus was gently showing me that He alone wanted to be my foundation and hope.
March came with more sunshine and less snow, and my spirits were lifting as the Lord began showing me prophetic utterances from His Word. He spoke this to me: "This will be your season of light." And sure enough, the darkness began lifting and I could feel a new change come over me. I began feeling hopeful.
When April grandly entered with its bridal dress of dazzling colors and aromatic scents from blooming plants, God asked me to begin seeking Him, really seeking Him. So I started to do so and peace came flooding in like a strong river. Doors started opening in various ways. When the Boston bombing incident occurred, I knew that the city was on the cusp of revival. A passion for preaching the Gospel to these northerners began springing forth in my heart.
May brought many surprises. After volunteering for almost 200 hrs at the hospital, a job fell in my lap. And an internship too. My mom and younger brother both celebrated a semester of challenging courses in their respective schools with 4.0s. I received breakthrough in my heart and mind a week prior to taking my MCAT, and finally, finally, after months and months of ignoring the Lord on this one, I actually took my MCAT. The Lord began pouring blessings so many blessings upon our family! Community around me began flourishing, and dear friends came up north to for visit me. I was starting to feel more rooted in this place and excitedly dreaming of doing more street evangelism with my Boston community, learning more about healthcare through my internship, and settling down.
But the beginning of June brought a shock. As I was doing paperwork for my visa extension (as I'm not a US citizen), thinking that my job in the hospital would be sufficient, I discovered that the hospital did not--and could not--meet one of the requirements for my paperwork. In that moment, I realized I had just TWO weeks to find a different job at a different place, or else go back to Indonesia within two mos time...
The first week was spent applying to a zillion and one places and contacting all my contacts and their contacts. During that time, though, I kept listening to Paul Washer's sermons on Heb 11 and contemplating the story of Abraham. The Spirit began stirring and softening my heart to go back to Indonesia, making me realize that my initial resistance was due to so many lies of the enemy I have believed in for so long. I finally came to a point of surrender, giving up four things to the Lord I have firmly told Him "No!" to:
going back to Indonesia, returning to scribing, being in a relationship, and teaching. The second week I was connected to a friend's friend who has a small scribing company in IL. Within a few hours of contacting him, he promptly implemented the requirement needed for my visa extension and offered me a job. WOW. I was blown away. It was not until the weekend, though, that I felt the peace to say yes. But my beloved dad flew in from Indonesia last week, and through his stories and challenge, I am also compelled to return to my own people and become much more Indonesian than I have ever been. The Lord has shown me that there are soo many opportunities that He has for me there; when that time for me to move comes, I will be so excited.
So the plan for now is to live and work in IL for 6 mos or so and then move overseas. I am open, though, so open to what HE has in store for me...
--------------------
surrender is sweet.
I am thankful that He knows my heart for adventure.
I am thankful that He never changes when everything else does.
I cling to what He says in Jeremiah 29: He KNOWS what will happen in my life. He has a future planned with peace. And vibrant hope. He will reveal Himself to me as I seek Him.
He promises to be absolutely sufficient.
Today, as my family and I clean and pack up the apt, I find myself dragging my feet as I put clothes away in suitcases, sift through the keeps, giveaways, and throwaways, and clear out cabinets and drawers.
It is a slow process as I sort through various papers and possessions from these last few months, holding onto each object for just a few seconds longer, retrospecting over the memories associated with them.
Goodbye hot pink, meant-for-the-Artic snow boots. Goodbye fleece pants and wool jackets. Until next time, Papa Gio's.
My nostalgia is further evoked by my 19 yr old brother's serenade of Lifehouse's "You and Me" on his guitar. He came up here for a visit three weeks ago and is leaving to TX this evening. Since he's done with his bags, serenading us with acoustic and jazz music is the next best option. Thanks, Dave.
A 23 year lifetime of constantly moving has never made me to be a quick or efficient packer. My mom is--in fact, she is the one primarily doing the packing right now, bustling around our apt like a busy bee, set on a mission, pushing me to pick up my pace. I can't seem to do it today. She stops me, and gently says, "Syeldy, it's time to move on again."
I slowly nod in agreement, feeling the lump in my throat rise, and a funny stirring in my chest.
This will be my eighth move in the past year since graduating from college, but the second transition to a different state. Five months ago, I moved from Texas to Massachusetts. In the next few days, I'll be moving from Massachusetts to Illinois. In the coming months, I am expecting to move to Indonesia.
When the Spirit told me the beginning of this year that 2013 would be my year of surrender, I couldn't fathom all the changes it would bring. As I look back, I see His hand of gentleness and kindness over each step of the way, revealing idols in my heart, exposing great roots of fear, removing these idols and fears, drawing me deeper into Himself. But it has been hard and I have rebelled inwardly, cried often, and complained much in lament over what I thought I had lost.
When we first settled here in February, it was extremely cold, snowy, and gloomy. In my heart and mind, it was also a month of darkness and despair. I felt uprooted from my Dallas community and I grieved it. I realized that my dear friends had become like idols and Dallas my comfort zone, and Jesus was gently showing me that He alone wanted to be my foundation and hope.
March came with more sunshine and less snow, and my spirits were lifting as the Lord began showing me prophetic utterances from His Word. He spoke this to me: "This will be your season of light." And sure enough, the darkness began lifting and I could feel a new change come over me. I began feeling hopeful.
When April grandly entered with its bridal dress of dazzling colors and aromatic scents from blooming plants, God asked me to begin seeking Him, really seeking Him. So I started to do so and peace came flooding in like a strong river. Doors started opening in various ways. When the Boston bombing incident occurred, I knew that the city was on the cusp of revival. A passion for preaching the Gospel to these northerners began springing forth in my heart.
May brought many surprises. After volunteering for almost 200 hrs at the hospital, a job fell in my lap. And an internship too. My mom and younger brother both celebrated a semester of challenging courses in their respective schools with 4.0s. I received breakthrough in my heart and mind a week prior to taking my MCAT, and finally, finally, after months and months of ignoring the Lord on this one, I actually took my MCAT. The Lord began pouring blessings so many blessings upon our family! Community around me began flourishing, and dear friends came up north to for visit me. I was starting to feel more rooted in this place and excitedly dreaming of doing more street evangelism with my Boston community, learning more about healthcare through my internship, and settling down.
But the beginning of June brought a shock. As I was doing paperwork for my visa extension (as I'm not a US citizen), thinking that my job in the hospital would be sufficient, I discovered that the hospital did not--and could not--meet one of the requirements for my paperwork. In that moment, I realized I had just TWO weeks to find a different job at a different place, or else go back to Indonesia within two mos time...
The first week was spent applying to a zillion and one places and contacting all my contacts and their contacts. During that time, though, I kept listening to Paul Washer's sermons on Heb 11 and contemplating the story of Abraham. The Spirit began stirring and softening my heart to go back to Indonesia, making me realize that my initial resistance was due to so many lies of the enemy I have believed in for so long. I finally came to a point of surrender, giving up four things to the Lord I have firmly told Him "No!" to:
going back to Indonesia, returning to scribing, being in a relationship, and teaching. The second week I was connected to a friend's friend who has a small scribing company in IL. Within a few hours of contacting him, he promptly implemented the requirement needed for my visa extension and offered me a job. WOW. I was blown away. It was not until the weekend, though, that I felt the peace to say yes. But my beloved dad flew in from Indonesia last week, and through his stories and challenge, I am also compelled to return to my own people and become much more Indonesian than I have ever been. The Lord has shown me that there are soo many opportunities that He has for me there; when that time for me to move comes, I will be so excited.
So the plan for now is to live and work in IL for 6 mos or so and then move overseas. I am open, though, so open to what HE has in store for me...
--------------------
surrender is sweet.
I am thankful that He knows my heart for adventure.
I am thankful that He never changes when everything else does.
I cling to what He says in Jeremiah 29: He KNOWS what will happen in my life. He has a future planned with peace. And vibrant hope. He will reveal Himself to me as I seek Him.
He promises to be absolutely sufficient.
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