It is time for a much-needed update! If it makes anyone feel better, I thought about many new posts multiple times in my head these past two months; but as many of my good motives go, it didn't quite get translated into action... Haha.
Where to start? Hmm. My parents and baby bro are back home, so the apt feels more empty just with my other brother and I; I have now been working as an ER scribe for a little over a month (and SO much could be said for my experiences thus far); my first fall not in school is not quite as strange as I thought it would be; I am learning to navigate around Dallas so much better and to rejoice in times of traffic, detours, and running late; and I just bought my own auto insurance, paid for my water, cable/internet, electricity bills, and replaced my car battery, all for the first time, on my own, last month. For the first time last weekend, I woke up late for work--which is an hour away--due to my alarm not going off, realized my phone was not working, called my doctor with my brother's phone, went down to the parking lot to discover my car battery was dead, woke up my kind neighbors who jump started my car, and sped to work, finally getting there 45 min late, almost 2 hours late. Oh dear. That afternoon after work, I had to ask 3 people on 3 different occasions to help my poor battery, then went to 2 different places to buy a new car battery, and made it just in time to my Indonesian church to teach the 3rd & 4th graders.
I have so many stories like above that illustrate the ups and downs of this post-college journey, some of which are hilarious, and some others that ended in weeping. For these past two weeks, especially, the Lord is being very good to show me parts of my heart that He is now renewing and restoring. I am in a blessed state of brokenness, which is very necessary right now. He has shown me that there are roots that He needs to pull completely out, such as the Root of the Fear of Man and the Root of Self Sufficiency/Being in Control. Countless times these past two months, He keeps bringing to me the illustration of a tree to me (hence, why I changed this blog's layout) and has given me numerous Bible verses, a card, pictures, sermons, and people prophetically praying over me. He desires for me to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water which bears fruit in times of drought and has roots that extend deep into the soil so that I am anchored, weathered, and thriving. I remember falling in love with the Lord's creation this time last fall when I took Botany class, and I love how the Lord is relating all these technical concepts of creation that I learned in my textbook and in class last year, into my own spirituality in an even more significant manner this year.
As various people ask how I'm doing so far, I respond by saying that the deepest lesson that I'm learning is that His promises are absolutely real and my faith is deepening as a result. Why? The accumulation of knowledge of who I know God to be and how He provides is being tangibly translated into reality, day by day, by day. Head facts are becoming heart truths. The Spirit is bringing my mind, soul, and body into alignment in Himself. With my college community gone, my parents gone, and in a new season of life, it is not that there is no one that I may lean or, but I am realizing that I cannot put my full hope on a single person(s). It is the Lord who delivers, saves, protects, provides, guides, and satisfies me! Yes, He does bring people into my life to use as various vessels to comfort, encourage, and provide for me, but at the end of the day, it is Him and Him alone who is my sole Rescuer and Redeemer. I am learning that He is enough.
Here's a portion from my diary: "What a week it has been. The Lord is so good to make me realized that I am NOT in control and that i do not have to bear the burden alone. He is taking my burdens away from me--almost wrestling me to do so because of my first-born instincts and innate "I can do this" attitude--and showing areas in my heart where I have not fully trusted Him or surrendered. I am learning--slowly but surely--to trust and hope in Him alone. I spent Monday night sobbing at His feet in a few hours of doubt and despair about rent money--it was a beautiful, blessed state of brokenness. He is disciplining my heart. He is deepening and strengthening my roots. He is allowing storms to come so that I may be rocked but so that I may ultimately stand firm. He is pulling out deadly weeds around my base that have slight holds in my heart because He desires me to be free--absolutely free and assured of who I am in Him. He wants me to bear fruit in this time of "drought"--I am still in a "wilderness" of sorts, though with the Spirit, so that Abba may continue His pruning and pulling work in me. The rivers of life are in abundant supply for me to drink my fill and forever satiate my thirst--there is constant fullness and wholeness in Him. Abba is training me to stand strong and believe strong; the Spirit tests me because He knows that I may pass well--only with His help. I lean not on my own understanding. My times are in His hands. My Abba yearns for me to love Him more. He calls out to me, "you [are] whom I love!" (from Song of Songs 1:7)--and yearns for me to shout it back to Him. He is teaching me the essential attitude of humility--"do not be wise in your own eyes" (Prov. 3:7)--in every facet of life. He wants me to constantly ask Him for counsel in every way, not trying to do anything upon reliance of my own understanding or strength."
Every sentence of that paragraph is a summation that comes from one to many experiences that would be too long to explain here, but all I can say is that I am learning! I am growing! I am being held in my Father's arms, and learning at His feet.
He is becoming more real and real to me every day. Thank You, Jesus.
Just to let y'all know, one of my upcoming posts will be about my recent-by-5-months trip to Guatemala! yes, you will FINALLY get to read about it, if you haven't heard the full story. This will be part of my overcoming-fear-of-people root, hooray!
I would love to "hear" from you, whoever reads this rambling blog.. ;)
Where to start? Hmm. My parents and baby bro are back home, so the apt feels more empty just with my other brother and I; I have now been working as an ER scribe for a little over a month (and SO much could be said for my experiences thus far); my first fall not in school is not quite as strange as I thought it would be; I am learning to navigate around Dallas so much better and to rejoice in times of traffic, detours, and running late; and I just bought my own auto insurance, paid for my water, cable/internet, electricity bills, and replaced my car battery, all for the first time, on my own, last month. For the first time last weekend, I woke up late for work--which is an hour away--due to my alarm not going off, realized my phone was not working, called my doctor with my brother's phone, went down to the parking lot to discover my car battery was dead, woke up my kind neighbors who jump started my car, and sped to work, finally getting there 45 min late, almost 2 hours late. Oh dear. That afternoon after work, I had to ask 3 people on 3 different occasions to help my poor battery, then went to 2 different places to buy a new car battery, and made it just in time to my Indonesian church to teach the 3rd & 4th graders.
I have so many stories like above that illustrate the ups and downs of this post-college journey, some of which are hilarious, and some others that ended in weeping. For these past two weeks, especially, the Lord is being very good to show me parts of my heart that He is now renewing and restoring. I am in a blessed state of brokenness, which is very necessary right now. He has shown me that there are roots that He needs to pull completely out, such as the Root of the Fear of Man and the Root of Self Sufficiency/Being in Control. Countless times these past two months, He keeps bringing to me the illustration of a tree to me (hence, why I changed this blog's layout) and has given me numerous Bible verses, a card, pictures, sermons, and people prophetically praying over me. He desires for me to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water which bears fruit in times of drought and has roots that extend deep into the soil so that I am anchored, weathered, and thriving. I remember falling in love with the Lord's creation this time last fall when I took Botany class, and I love how the Lord is relating all these technical concepts of creation that I learned in my textbook and in class last year, into my own spirituality in an even more significant manner this year.
As various people ask how I'm doing so far, I respond by saying that the deepest lesson that I'm learning is that His promises are absolutely real and my faith is deepening as a result. Why? The accumulation of knowledge of who I know God to be and how He provides is being tangibly translated into reality, day by day, by day. Head facts are becoming heart truths. The Spirit is bringing my mind, soul, and body into alignment in Himself. With my college community gone, my parents gone, and in a new season of life, it is not that there is no one that I may lean or, but I am realizing that I cannot put my full hope on a single person(s). It is the Lord who delivers, saves, protects, provides, guides, and satisfies me! Yes, He does bring people into my life to use as various vessels to comfort, encourage, and provide for me, but at the end of the day, it is Him and Him alone who is my sole Rescuer and Redeemer. I am learning that He is enough.
Here's a portion from my diary: "What a week it has been. The Lord is so good to make me realized that I am NOT in control and that i do not have to bear the burden alone. He is taking my burdens away from me--almost wrestling me to do so because of my first-born instincts and innate "I can do this" attitude--and showing areas in my heart where I have not fully trusted Him or surrendered. I am learning--slowly but surely--to trust and hope in Him alone. I spent Monday night sobbing at His feet in a few hours of doubt and despair about rent money--it was a beautiful, blessed state of brokenness. He is disciplining my heart. He is deepening and strengthening my roots. He is allowing storms to come so that I may be rocked but so that I may ultimately stand firm. He is pulling out deadly weeds around my base that have slight holds in my heart because He desires me to be free--absolutely free and assured of who I am in Him. He wants me to bear fruit in this time of "drought"--I am still in a "wilderness" of sorts, though with the Spirit, so that Abba may continue His pruning and pulling work in me. The rivers of life are in abundant supply for me to drink my fill and forever satiate my thirst--there is constant fullness and wholeness in Him. Abba is training me to stand strong and believe strong; the Spirit tests me because He knows that I may pass well--only with His help. I lean not on my own understanding. My times are in His hands. My Abba yearns for me to love Him more. He calls out to me, "you [are] whom I love!" (from Song of Songs 1:7)--and yearns for me to shout it back to Him. He is teaching me the essential attitude of humility--"do not be wise in your own eyes" (Prov. 3:7)--in every facet of life. He wants me to constantly ask Him for counsel in every way, not trying to do anything upon reliance of my own understanding or strength."
Every sentence of that paragraph is a summation that comes from one to many experiences that would be too long to explain here, but all I can say is that I am learning! I am growing! I am being held in my Father's arms, and learning at His feet.
He is becoming more real and real to me every day. Thank You, Jesus.
Just to let y'all know, one of my upcoming posts will be about my recent-by-5-months trip to Guatemala! yes, you will FINALLY get to read about it, if you haven't heard the full story. This will be part of my overcoming-fear-of-people root, hooray!
I would love to "hear" from you, whoever reads this rambling blog.. ;)
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