"My heart will sing that You are faithful, and my heart will sing Your truth. And my heart burns for You. And my heart is found at home only in You."

WHAT.A.DAY.

Today, Papa answered a major prayer request!

Today, I put a deposit down at for an apt at Vickery Meadows.

I will have a place to move into!

You see, my current apt lease ends this weekend and I didn't begin apt hunting til, oh, 2 weeks ago. It was one of those things that the Lord whispered, "Trust Me." Last night, I was on the phone with a friend and when sharing this prayer request of finding a place to live, he laughed and said, "Oh that's easy, Syeldy! Don't worry, it's going to be easy!" Sure, Chris, sure. Can't you tell how potentially chaotic and frustrating this may be?
But his words haunted me, causing me to think back on what I had read in Exodus 14 before I had called him. In that chapter, the Lord had superseded everything that the Egyptians and Israelites had thought He was capable of. It struck me how it is so easy these days to forget how GIGANTIC our God is because we box and shrink and limit Him due to many reasons.
So I decided to pray Chris' words. I asked Papa to make His will clear for us in which apt we were to live in  by making the process so simple and easy. I asked Him for open doors and smooth processes. I asked the Spirit for overwhelming peace and discernment. And I sensed Him saying, "Go ahead, move forward."

So we went to Vickery Meadows, which is considered one of the most dangerous areas in Dallas but also contains thousands of beautiful refugees from all over the world. There is  a mix of low income-middle income housing, and the streets are filled with internationals walking with plastic bags, to dirty kids playing soccer in unkempt soccer fields, to drug dealers on street corners, homeless people roaming around, and sights, sounds, and smells that highlight the cultural diversity. I love it here because it makes me feel like I'm living overseas again.
I've spent time here in college because I was part of a missions outreach group and it was an awesome to walk the streets and do ministry organically. There is darkness here, but light is penetrating it more and more. It is awe-inspiring to see the transformation.  Many of my friends have lived here and are living here, and they constantly encourage me to be extremely intentional by engaging the nations in living life with them.

But, back to the story: so my brother and I go to the first complex and they tell us flatly that they don't have any apts available to move in for the weekend. Oh, that was easy, God. We definitely can't move here. We then went to a second complex, where the woman who assisted us was so kind, meticulous, and offered us two ready apts for us to check out. whoa! We toured them and liked them, and discovered that there was no admin or application fee. The monthly rent was below budget. Really?! She wanted us back in a few hours to see more apts, so we went to 2-3 more complexes and met some obstacles with each.
(God was seriously answering prayer as He made it more and more evident about which ones we were not supposed to get!)
So we return to the second complex, saw more floor plans and considered all our options. There was overflowing peace in my heart. So we decided to fill out the applications, and within an hour, I was approved. Wow. This was too easy!

[Side note: As all of this apt hunting is happening, I get texts from close friends verifying that 2 of my best guy friends are moving into Vickery in 2 weeks! And I have the option of moving in with a close friend who is also moving in this weekend to an apt right across the street! And friends from church already live all around this area!]

So stay tuned. God is unfurling something grand right now.
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PS.. Article for thought: impossible?

A Snapshot of Last Week

Just eight days ago, I didn't have a place to sleep that night, aside for my car.
Just eight days ago, I didn't know how I was going to pay for my rent with the extra cost of a late payment. I had just enough for the monthly fee, without the additional rent fee.
Just seven days ago, I had no money (absolutely zero cents in my bank account and elsewhere, after paying rent) and no way to get gas to drive to work or to a friend's house for the night.
I didn't have a phone charger, and my outdated-and-partially-reliable cell phone was dead.
I didn't have any food, aside for a few pieces of fruit.
My clothes had needed to be washed for a few days.
I was preparing to go to Kentucky for a medical missions conference that week, but didn't know how I would pay for food or gas for the roadtrip.

What was I going to do?

What I've described above summarizes last week in which the Lord was SO SO good in that He made me completely dependent upon Him for my every single need, every day.

He met me exactly where I was. He showed up in the most unexpected ways.

-A friend who had previously left the hospital agreed for me to spend the night with her (which was close by the hospital) so that I didn't have to sleep in my car. She gave me food, an extremely warm bed, and bathroom privileges that night.
-The Spirit gave me the brilliant idea to stop by a Holiday Inn to ask them for a charger from their lost&found box. Guess what? They gave me one of their many spares. Then, (because I wasn't allowed to charge my phone in the lobby), God prompted me to go to a gas station and ask to charge my phone there. That led to good conversation with the lady behind the counter.
-I wasn't charged the late fee for rent... (WOW.) Because of this, my bank account was zero but my brother had some spare cash, and thus transferred money to me for gas.
-After a frustrating time discovering that I was charged an overdrafting for not overdrafting, I swallowed my humiliation of my bank account and went to the local Chase bank to talk to a local agent. God showed up. The woman I spoke with was a fellow believer, and we got to love, pray, and encourage one another in Christ! Then, she ended up refunding previous Chase fees and gave me a total of $48. I went from -$11 to $38.  WHAT?!? I cried in the bank and in my car. My God is the God who provides.
- After paying for more gas and other expenses, I had a grand total of $15 for the 3-4 days we were going to be in KY. I was excited--I mean, it was $15 more than I thought I would have! Guess what, though? I didn't have to pay a single dime for any of my meals I ate. A couple in our group paid for it all.

-The conference was increedible and so edifying! The Lord refreshed and nurtured my heart. (I was struggling with the question of whether or not I should be in the medical field, having been discouraged and disillusioned in my current job.) He lavished love on me. There were many crazy, supernatural meetings with people. There were many laughs, moments of meditation, learning experiences, worship, and time in His presence. Though I didn't have a "moment of epiphany," the Spirit did make the next step clear to me: I need to finish studying for and take my MCAT.
(Since then, I've had multiple reminders of being obedient and faithful in finishing this task...thank You that you know my procrastination tendencies, God.)


i am a small syeldy.
but I have a really BIG GOD.

Laughter

I have the biggest grin at 2 AM in the morning because Jesus has such a great sense of humor!

It blows me away--it surpasses my finite mind--it is simply "illogical"!

And there is nothing I can do but laugh out loud because it is in moments like these that I acknowledge that God is GOD, and He certainly has many wonderful surprises up His sleeve.

He likes doing the un-ordinary, just because He can.

----
This week, I have been thinking and re-learning a few things about relationships. In the 20 hours I've spent in the ER the past two days, I have spent quite a number of them reading some challenging Christian articles about singleness and marriage and godly relationships, be it in the context of a dating relationship or simply lovin' on neighbors.

I had to acknowledge this week that the enemy has led me to believe that I am undesirable/unworthy/inferior in some way. This came up when I had dinner with two of the most godliest guys I know (who not only bought my dinner but entertained, humored, honored, and encouraged me in many ways as brothers in Christ) who simply challenged me when they recognized this lie I had begun believing. In response to these seeds of doubt, Abba also responded to my heart's cry. That night after dinner, as I stopped by a local Walmart to grocery shop, I was unexpectedly complimented by a stranger in the soap & shampoo aisle. I was quick to respond to thank him in an unflirtatious way, wanting to make the most of the opportunity to see if it could lead to sharing the love of the Gospel, though he caught sight of my covenant ring which led him to assume that I was already married (haha). The next morning, I went to another store, and was approached multiple times by a random police officer who eventually gave me his number, insisting if he could take me out for dinner sometime because my looks had so "mesmerized" him in some way. I thanked him and put his card in my purse, and went into my car and laughed out loud for a long time, for the entire experience was so random and hilarious.

But the truth is this: God was directly responding to my heart's questions, and meeting me exactly where I was: doubtful, discouraged, and questioning this waiting season. Though those two experiences I wrote above were indeed amusing, it was also encouraging because God spoke directly to my insecurities and used random men to compliment me, with one asking me out (such a novelty for me)! It was not the men themselves that I look at, but the reality that it was indeed the Lord who used them to notice me. In fact, it leaves me quite humbled because it was such tangible proof of His love for me; my Papa cares and answers. My Papa thinks I am beautiful and captivating and cherishes me enough that He will use strangers to tell me that. Furthermore, because I know that I am in an purposeful season of singleness, it makes me realize again that the purpose of my life is NOT to settle down with the "right" man and that I do NOT have to manipulate my situation or the people in my life in any way to make them conform to my will of what is ideal.

I was also convicted that  I must learn more of  Jesus' Bridegroom heart. Ted Dekker summarizes our history as the "Great Romance," in which God has been pursuing us since the beginning of time, and then even more so when the Fall at the Garden of Eden occurred. I love this phrasing, for I think it is extremely Biblical, though I fail to grasp the significance of it when I only focus as God as my Father/Provider. I have begun praying that I may understand more deeply how my Jesus loves me as part of His bride, and how much He loves His collective bride.

Though I long to be pursued by an earthly man right now, I know that I am already being pursued by the Man, and that my heart has already been claimed by Him. He offers me eternal joy, hope, protection, provision, guidance, and unparalleled love, for true love only comes from Him. I laugh (alot) when I am with Him and being in His presence is overwhelming. My laughter is a sign of surrender and trust. I believe that my God is weaving an unexpected, too-good-to-be-true love story for me, and I do not have to spend excessive emotional or physical energy striving for its fulfillment. I will rejoice whenever that perfect timing comes, but until then, I remain laughing and rejoicing and worshiping because my God is the God of the supernatural, of divine pursuit, and showing up in the most unexpected ways.

Every Day is an Adventure

I like hiking with Jesus. He likes hiking with me. {a few weeks ago, i went on a spontaneous hike with a dear friend of mine--which turned into a night hike--and we ended up going 'round & 'round for hours as we talked and sang and prayed.} Jesus LOVES us doing our favorite hobbies with Him. It is worship.

I really like chill, "coffee-house" music. I think it's my favorite type. A singer with a guitar playing simple chords and  significant lyrics grabs my heart every time. {as I'm typing this, I'm listening to a British band called Zero 7 that I was introduced to this past week by one of my physicians I work for. It's super mellow, a melodious blend of cool modern sounds and smooth voices.}

Last night, I was saved from a near-death/severe car accident. Seriously. I was about to turn right on a busy intersection off of a highway  and was met by a huge truck, a van, and a sedan. Lots of beeping. I froze for a few seconds and watched in slow-mo as the truck came inches to colliding with me. WHOAA. Then, I snapped back to reality and gassed it. I'm sure I made a few drivers angry, but the best part was that the Spirit held me in such incredible peace. {it was really like I wasn't in my own body and there was warmth flowing down to my legs.}

After getting home, I went to check the mailbox and saw a white envelope with my name on the front in familiar handwriting. My brother (my younger one, whom I live with) wrote me a sweet card to encourage me and tell me what a blessing I am to him! I was floored and cried. {of course.}

The ER yesterday was a zoo, an absolute zoo! My physician and I saw 36 patients at the end of our shift, and the waiting room was still packed when I walked out at 9pm. Folks, do not make the ER doc your PCP--primary care physician. {i testify that working solid 11 hr shifts is evidence of how He is strong in our weaknesses.}

Today is my off day--hooray!--and will be dedicated to resting, reading, studying, haircutting, pizza-eating, and hopefully, urban hiking and praying healing over people. This morning was spent with Jesus in learning how to sacrificially be obedient in finances. {"I want to interact with you every day in the reality that I am your Source. Acknowledge Me as your Source. Test Me in this...I will constantly bring your financial need and expose your fear of money to you week after week, year after year, so that you will see that I am your Source, not your checkbook."}

Today is going to be a grand day! (:

PS. Jesus says this to you&me: "I want to embrace you in the dance of your heart." 

C. Spurgeon's Devotional for Today

"Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they  made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on." Mark 2:4

"Faith is full of  inventions. The house was full, a crowd was blocking the doorway, but faith found a way to get to the Lord and place the paralyzed man before Him. If we can't get sinners where Jesus is by ordinary methods we must use extraordinary ones. It seems, according to Luke 5:19, that roof tiles had to be removed, which would make dust and cause a measure of danger to those below, but when the situation is very urgent, we must not mind running some risks and shocking some proprieties. Jesus was there to heal and, therefore, come what may, faith risked all so that her poor paralyzed charge might have his sins forgiven. O that we had more daring faith among us! Can't we, dear reader, seek it this morning for ourselves and for our fellow workers. Won't we today try to perform some gallant act for the love of souls and the glory of the Lord?
The world is constantly inventing; genius serves all the purposes of human desire: can't faith also invent and, by some new means, reach the outcasts who lie perishing around us? It was the presence of Jesus which excited victorious courage in the four bearers of the paralyzed man: isn't the Lord among us now? Have we  seen His face for ourselves this morning? Have we felt His healing power in our own souls? If so, then through door, through window, or through roof, let's breaking through all impediments, work to bring poor souls to Jesus. All means are good and acceptable when faith and love are truly set on winning souls. If hunger for bread can break through stone walls, surely hunger for souls is not be hindered in its efforts. O Lord, make us quick to suggest methods of reaching your poor sin-sick ones, and bold to carry them out despite the risks."  Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening

This is what I pray for us, dear beloved brothers and sisters in Christ. Today, I challenge you to step out of your box of comfort, your box of what is appropriate and acceptable, your box of do's and don'ts, and walk out in faith and love. Today, may you be led by the Spirit to do what is unconventional. Today, may you be bold to pray over others, to pray for healings, to call on the Spirit to show up in a miraculous way, for Him to  soften the hardened hearts. Don't be afraid of rejection or mockery because Jesus is in you. Mull on that, let that empower you and fill you with joy and peace! Believe the Gospel, talk the Gospel, live out the Gospel! May your life be an example of one who has been radically pursued and transformed, and now has full faith to see that same change in others.

First Steps in Deeper Faith

It is time for a much-needed update! If it makes anyone feel better, I thought about many new posts multiple times in my head these past two months; but as many of my good motives go, it didn't quite get translated into action... Haha.
Where to start? Hmm. My parents and baby bro are back home, so the apt feels more empty just with my other brother and I; I have now been working as an ER scribe for a little over a month (and SO much could be said for my experiences thus far); my first fall not in school is not quite as strange as I thought it would be; I am learning to navigate around Dallas so much better and to rejoice in times of traffic, detours, and running late; and I just bought my own auto insurance, paid for my water, cable/internet, electricity bills, and replaced my car battery, all for the first time, on my own, last month. For the first time last weekend, I woke up late for work--which is an hour away--due to my alarm not going off, realized my phone was not working, called my doctor with my brother's phone, went down to the parking lot to discover my car battery was dead, woke up my kind neighbors who jump started my car, and sped to work, finally getting there 45 min late, almost 2 hours late. Oh dear. That afternoon after work, I had to ask 3 people on 3 different occasions to help my poor battery, then went to 2 different places to buy a new car battery, and made it just in time to my Indonesian church to teach the 3rd & 4th graders.
I have so many stories like above that illustrate the ups and downs of this post-college journey, some of which are hilarious, and some others that ended in weeping. For these past two weeks, especially, the Lord is being very good to show me parts of my heart that He is now renewing and restoring. I am in a blessed state of brokenness, which is very necessary right now. He has shown me that there are roots that He needs to pull completely out, such as the Root of the Fear of Man and the Root of Self Sufficiency/Being in Control. Countless times these past two months, He keeps bringing to me the illustration of a tree to me (hence, why I changed this blog's layout) and has given me numerous Bible verses, a card, pictures, sermons, and people prophetically praying over me. He desires for me to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water which bears fruit in times of drought and has roots that extend deep into the soil so that I am anchored, weathered, and thriving. I remember falling in love with the Lord's creation this time last fall when I took Botany class, and I love how the Lord is relating all these technical concepts of creation that I learned in my textbook and in class last year, into my own spirituality in an even more significant manner this year.
As various people ask how I'm doing so far, I respond by saying that the deepest lesson that I'm learning is that His promises are absolutely real and my faith is deepening as a result. Why? The accumulation of knowledge of who I know God to be and how He provides is being tangibly translated into reality, day by day, by day. Head facts are becoming heart truths. The Spirit is bringing my mind, soul, and body into alignment in Himself.  With my college community gone, my parents gone, and in a new season of life, it is not that there is no one that I may lean or, but I am realizing that I cannot put my full hope on a single person(s). It is the Lord who delivers, saves, protects, provides, guides, and satisfies me! Yes, He does bring people into my life to use as various vessels to comfort, encourage, and provide for me, but at the end of the day, it is Him and Him alone who is my sole Rescuer and Redeemer. I am learning that He is enough.

Here's a portion from my diary: "What a week it has been. The Lord is so good to make me realized that I am NOT in control and that i do not have to bear the burden alone. He is taking my burdens away from me--almost wrestling me to do so because of my first-born instincts and innate "I can do this" attitude--and showing areas in my heart where I have not fully trusted Him or surrendered. I am learning--slowly but surely--to trust and hope in Him alone.  I spent Monday night sobbing at His feet in a few hours of doubt and despair about rent money--it was a beautiful, blessed state of brokenness. He is disciplining my heart. He is deepening and strengthening my roots. He is allowing storms to come so that I may be rocked but so that I may ultimately stand firm. He is pulling out deadly weeds around my base that have slight holds  in my heart because He desires me to be free--absolutely free and assured of who I am in Him. He wants me to bear fruit in this time of "drought"--I am still in a "wilderness" of sorts, though with the Spirit, so that Abba may continue His pruning and pulling work in me. The rivers of life are in abundant supply for me to drink my fill and forever satiate my thirst--there is constant fullness and wholeness in Him. Abba is training me to stand strong and believe strong; the Spirit tests me because He knows that I may pass well--only with His help. I lean not on my own understanding. My times are in His hands. My Abba yearns for me to love Him more. He calls out to me, "you [are] whom I love!" (from Song of Songs 1:7)--and yearns for me to shout it back to Him. He is teaching me the essential attitude of humility--"do not be wise in your own eyes" (Prov. 3:7)--in every facet of life. He wants me to constantly ask Him for counsel in every way, not trying to do anything upon reliance of my own understanding or strength."

Every sentence of that paragraph is a summation that comes from one to many experiences that would be too long to explain here, but all I can say is that I am learning! I am growing! I am being held in my Father's arms, and learning at His feet.
He is becoming more real and real to me every day. Thank You, Jesus.

Just to let y'all know, one of my upcoming posts will be about my recent-by-5-months trip to Guatemala! yes, you will FINALLY get to read about it, if you haven't heard the full story. This will be part of my overcoming-fear-of-people root, hooray!

I would love to "hear" from you, whoever reads this rambling blog.. ;)

Musings

Some random, and not-so-random, thoughts I've been thinking recently:

• Natural births using a midwife may be the best option for me one day...I spent the few days with one of my best friends who is a student midwife at a birthing center and was enlightened to so many things about organic births that radically opened my eyes. I saw crazy cool documentaries about it and met many midwives who were genuinely compassionate, knowledgeable, and passionate about their jobs and the families they serve. Such a contrast between the hospital/birthing center or home and doctor/midwife and the emotions that the women undergo in those two situations. I should expound more on this later!
• I start training tomorrow for the next five days for my new job. Wow. I am excited for sure as I've prayed for this opportunity for the past few months. It's going to be like college all over again as there will be tests I need to pass every day in order to graduate from training and then be allowed to work in the hospitals. Asking Jesus to open my mind to quick thinking, long retention, and joy in the midst of the fast pace. Is it silly of me to start planning the colors of the scrubs I want to purchase and wear (bright colors/pretty pastels)? Haha.
• We must refuse to repay evil for evil. We must absolutely refuse it. I was convicted of this a few weeks ago when I co-lead a youth retreat and the boys pranked us quite successfully (and brutally). My girls, with my approval, stayed up all night planing revenge and carried it out in the wee hours of the morning. It was somewhat humorous when all the boys woke up, but there was also the deflated sense of revenge executed that was not satisfying at all. (Not that what the boys did was "evil," but I know that we shouldn't have repaid them as we did.) Tonight, when a slight incident happened with a rude neighbor, the Spirit kindly reminded me: "refuse to repay evil. Repay them with good."
• Why do I so often forget to REMEMBER the kindnesses of the Lord from the past?? He IS so good. And His timing is so timely, even if I don't agree in the moment. Retrospection brings so much clarity and humility.
• I desire deeper intimacy with the Lord. My relationship with Him absolutely must get deeper, but all the fault lies with me, alas: my lack of discipline, lack of listening, in getting distracted with the things of the world, in serving my idols. Oh Father, thank You for your patience. Jesus, thank You for constantly interceding for me. Spirit, will You please help me listen to You more?
• I realized today that Abba has increased my freedom when I compare the state of my heart and mind now to the beginning of this summer. I laugh because my heart is lighter, my spirit freer....thank You, Jesus!! If I could summarize the lessons learned so far, they are these: Surrender. Submission. Mind Renewal. Letting go of an entitlement mentality.
• My six year old brother is such a delight to me. We discovered a new activity to do together today: He gets on the bed, runs across it, jumps before the edge of it, leaps into my arms, and I spinspinspin him, before putting him back on the bed and doing it all over again. 
• The simultaneous music when everyone in my family laughs together is a magnificent melody that I absolutely cherish above any beautiful song by any esteemed composer.
• I desire for a glimpse of heaven. I want to see Jesus.

Glory

I could post about my new apt, my new job offer, things that the Lord is teaching me, sweet times with the family, a beautiful sign that He gave me in the sky a few days ago, comical baking mishaps, and other things on my heart, but all of real significance is summed up by the title of this post: Glory.


I find myself thinking more and more about God's glory. The glory due to His name, the glory that HE IS, the glory that I can see through His miraculous intervention and provision, the infinite glory I am not yet able to see but can only imagine, the glory that we ascribe to Him, the glory that the supernatural creatures give.

 In John 11:40, it says:

"Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"

" And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory."  Isaiah 6:3

"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea." Habakkuk 2:14

"The heavens proclaim His righteousness, and all the peoples see His glory." Psalm 97:6

Praise God. He is changing my mind, my thought patterns, my heart, and my longings and desires. I want to see the glory of God... I want to see MORE of the glory of God! 

The eternity passion in my heart is growing stronger and stronger, and it makes life look completely different.  It totally excites me to live a Spirit-filled life in my new apt complex, the hospitals I walk around, and the  people I meet along the way. Less of the flesh, more of the Spirit, more of GOD, all about His GLORY.

The Season of Transition

My heart is heavy as I write this. All around me, and in my own life, are many people struggling with various degrees of change.
I have spent the past one and a half days with one of my best friends who is completely leaving the Western way of life she has known for the past 34 years to embrace a lifestyle of poverty and simplicity in a third world country. Martyrdom has been prophesied over her. She is denying it all, yes, even her own life, for the sake of the Gospel.
One of my dear roommate's grandmother figure passed away this weekend in the midst of hard circumstances that caught her off guard. They were told that Gran only had 40 hours to live.
One of my admired mentor figures had her step-father pass away this past weekend. He, in his 80s, had caught penumonia a few weeks ago and gradually got worse. My mentor was by his bedside as he took his last breath here and "took his first one in Glory."
I think of other friends who have moved abroad recently. One in Uganda for 6 mos, another in Thailand for a few years, one in Nepal. There are so many heading out to the nations this summer.
I think of recent college students who are transitioning and are seeking and wondering what is next. Job? Place to live? Calling? Family? I know I am certainly in this category.
So many roommates, mine included, are looking for new roommates or different places to live.
Multiple couples on campus are now newly married--hurray!
I dear friend of mine recently obtained a job after waiting 5 months for employment. Her heart has endured many trials of waiting and wondering.
I think of my own parents who are at crossroads of change and seeking the Lord on what step to take next.

There are innumerable other examples that I can think of and many more than surely come up in your own mind and life. New seasons, many changes. Losses and gains. Joy and grief. Unpredictability, unexpected calamity. As I sit here, struggling to put down words that adequately express what I am feeling, I need comfort. Reassurance...Peace. As the weight of personal emotions and others' plights weigh around my heart, like an iron anchor pulling down the beating organ into my abdomen,  I cry out to the Spirit to intercede on my behalf "with groans and utterances I cannot express" (Rom 8:6).
He brings this to mind:
"12 But Thou, O LORD dost abide forever; And Thy name to all generations...25 Of old Thou didst found the earth; And the heavens are the work of Thy hands. 26 Even they will perish, but Thou dost endure; And all of them will wear out like a garment; Like clothing Thou wilt change them, and they will be changed. 27 But Thou art the same, And Thy years will not come to an end. 28 The children of Thy servants will continue, And their descendants will be established before Thee” (Psalm 102:12, 25-28)

The heavens and the earth WILL change. Everything WILL pass away. Even our bodies are temporary for our days are like grass, here one day and gone the next. But...the Lord abides forever. He never changes. His attributes are true, His love is eternal, His promises sure.

There lies my confidence, at 1:52 AM with my bowl of cold noodles beside me (dinner) or today at 10:30 AM when Suzy's plane leaves or whenever the time comes for me to go to my next farewell.
May this season be endured well with the joy of the Lord as our strength!

One Step into the "Real" World...and the World to Come

Yesterday was my last day at  Graduate Admissions Office I've worked in for the past three years. Today, I finished cleaning out my desk.
Today I had my first "real world" job interview. (whoa)
It lasted two hours and I met a total of four people who sat me down and asked pages of questions to see if I would fit to be a pathology lab aide.
I had a celebratory Chik-fil-a lunch with my dear friend Natalie.
Today, I finally started packing up my stuff in the apt I've been blessed to live in in the past year. I'm moving to an unknown place next week.
Tonight, my friend Sarah came over and ate Indonesian noodles for the first time. I was introduced to the  BBC "Sherlock Holmes" series, which i highly recommend.

This morning, I read Psalm 86 and Rev 7 and listened to this song, which I first heard when I attended the conference it was recorded at. I began worshiping the Lord as I contemplated how "all the nations You have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify Your name" (ps 86:9) along with Rev. 7:9-12:

"⁹ After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, ¹⁰ and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”¹¹ And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, ¹² saying, “Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen.”

I could do nothing but fall on my face and join in the worship. My heart explodes with joy at the thought of peoples from every corner of this earth, past, present, and future, worshiping the only One who is worthy. And the thought of heaven! Oh the thought of heaven tingles me from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.
May I continue to fall on my face with the angels and elders, laying my life in submission to His feet so that He may be so glorified in this life and the life to come, be it as a lab aide, a missionary, a student, a daughter, a sister, or whatever role I am given. Rev 5:8 says that the elders around the throne of God "hold golden bowls of incense, which are the prayers of the saints". May we lift up our sweet fragrant offerings to Him from our lips and hearts so that those bowls may overflow!

I am now an alumni!

Here are some pictures from the Big Day, a little more than a week ago.

Rejoicing with my family: the adopted gparents and my parents and bros.Notice the little one's face? ha.

With my beloved mentor and professor!

There was a special Biology reception that the Bio grads went to

I really like these people

I REALLY like these people.

It is pretty bizarre to think that my undergrad years are over! It honestly has not hit me yet. I have loved college so much; every second, every class, every relationship established, every book read, meal eaten, thought discussed, tear shed, laugh laughed out loud. Every moment in frustration, in exaltation, in discouragement, in hope, has led to a greater joy and much fruit.

Can I just be a perpetual student forever?! :)

Thoughts

By now, I have presented to a few groups about my Guatemalan trip, and each time, it has been so encouraging for others to hear and God-glorifying.
But if I had to be honest, I have to only scratch the surface of processing that trip. These past two weeks have been dreadfully busy and time-consuming; I have been running and gasping for breath, and running some more. I feel like I have slept very little between homework, birthdays, various events, planning for those events, and more. The month of April is my last month of college (Lord willing) and I look ahead to this last stretch with excitement but also weariness. My heart cries out for more of Jesus right now.

However, I do want to share a bit of the trip reflection with y'all...or the beginning of it. The following is an excerpt written the morning after I had arrived, as I sat alone in my apt in my rocking chair with the window open, staring out into my North Texas surroundings :

It is Saturday morning and I am trying to process all that has happened. The problem is, it is hard to convey. My mind is full, my heart is heavy, I am at a loss for words, even in praying.  I am sitting in my room with my window open for the first time, looking out into the sunshine and trees.

This is a completely different world here. The plush carpet, the neat, manicured lawns, the kitchen, my bed, AC rooms, and cars…I can’t quite reconcile it right now. Everything is so familiar, and yet it has not been my world for the past two weeks. What privilege I live in. Where are the indoor hammocks, the humidity, the sound of construction next door? Where are the sounds of people greeting one another, of the laughter of children in their uniforms, the smell from the local panaderia, the sight of Marylou, Martha, or Carlos?

“ALL this for Your glory, all this for Your name. All this for your glory, that in all things that You may have the first place, that in all things you would have pre-eminence. Just put me anywhere, just put your glory in me. Ill serve anywhere, just let me see your beauty…Just catch me up in your story, all my life for your glory, catch me up in your story, all my life for Your glory.”

Who would have ever thought that the girl singing these words at the Onething Conference just 2 months earlier would be in Guatemala in which these lyrics would be fulfilled. I remember singing these words, praying them in my heart, asking the Lord to “take me anywhere where I can share your Gospel.”

For weeks prior to leaving, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff with a deep chasm before me, teetering on the edge. God was asking me to jump, but I could not. Fear kept me on the edge. Breakthrough came one morning as I was reading through the Word and the Word washed me anew with the rememberance of His great love for me. That knowledge emboldened me, and filled me with such peace. Many talks with Prof. Hopper led me to contemplating being a missionary at some unknown place, disconnected from this advanced, modern world, living long-term developing relationships with the locals. Could I serve by myself? Could I handle being detached from so many people and no longer being networked as I am accustomed to?

Psalm 37:23-24-- the theme of that Saturday morning. The most intense day of spiritual warfare, emotional instability, as I collided against many fears: the fear of walking out of God’s will, the fear of being alone without a team, the fear of physical safety, the fear of the Great Unknown. It was a roller coaster of a day, similar to only one I had experienced many years before. “You will have to fight for this, Syeldy.” I felt like a ship being battered in the midst of a storm. Yet, the incredulity of taking that leap of faith, with the assurance that He said He would never leave me nor forsake me.

For three days, I waited upon the Lord in Guatemala City. Spent my days in the Juarez house, pleading with the Lord to open a door, yet resting and reading my Bible in the meantime...."

My thoughts don't all flow together, and I never did quite "finish" the entry as I ended up weeping the rest of the time (I think), but I wanted to share that bit with y'all. I have yet to go back to my journal entries, but parts of it will surely end up on this blog.

God is good.

Song of the week: "Lifting my Burdens" by United Pursuit Band.
Wow, what a week it has been! I know that it has been nearly a month since I have updated this blog, and while the immediate question will be of Guatemala, I must take a few lines to write about the faithfulness of God in the transition back.
I arrived last Friday night (a week ago) and took a day to sleep and have been doing homework since. This week, God has helped me conquer a Nutrition test, an Islam test, a Victorian Fiction test, a Nutrition project, a presentation in Ecology, a presentation in Islam, a presentation for Global Connect, read two separate books other than my textbooks, write a paper, go to all classes, and work 18 hours in the office. I have not slept much but MAN! God has been giving me incredible joy and energy! This is absolutely astonishing for me, for the amount at the beginning of the week was simply too overwhelming for me to handle, and yet He has been soo glorified in my weaknesses.
SOLI DEO GLORIA!

I can hardly contain it...

THREE DAYS TO GO!


Thousands of crayons? Check.
Thousands of salvation bracelets? [Almost] Check.
Thousands of coloring pages? By tomorrow morning, check.
My homework load? Definitely not check.
Packing? Almost.

This week, God has again provided in His supernatural way by using His body to step up and sacrifice a bit of themselves, or by opening some crazy door. I have felt so loved and cherished by my brothers and sisters, especially in their eagerness to help me and in their devotion to pray for me.

Tonight, my entire Islam class came over to the apt and we had a potluck dinner, watched a few Islam videos, and discussed what we saw. Seeing my own distinguished professor in my own living room was really cool. She and I have prayed about me meeting some Muslims in Guatemala.

I'm going to spend the next two days praying and fasting about the trip. A big conference is being held on campus, thus, all classes are canceled. Therefore, besides work and homework, I'm anxious to get alone with my Abba and talk and listen to Him about these next two weeks...

He is so good to us. "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Countdown: 7 days to go

It is a little late and I have decided to blog out of a heart that overflows with gratitude to the Lord.

(I am also supposed to be cleaning my various messes around my apt for a friend's weekend visit, but my cleaning is a little erratic and I thought that blogging would be a good "break"--I only started cleaning about 15 min ago.)

God has been so gracious and kind to me today in these various ways:
My alarm didn't work so I got to wake up a little later, making my sleep total about 6 hours, exceeding the amount of sleep I've gotten per night this week. :)
I got to finish some homework and was consequently quite late to work, but my boss was so gracious to let me come in later. :)
I got to eat some delicious homemade wheat-and-raisin bread for breakfast and lunch. Mmmm. :)
When asking my Botany prof if I could use one of her aloe vera plants for a personal experiment, she gave me an entire plant for myself! :)
When I acknowledged that my presentation on offshore drilling was not quite complete for Botany lab, I was given great mercy and my presentation date is extended to after I come back from Guate. :)
I was enlightened about biofuels and its effects on rising food prices worldwide. :)
Lab consisted of testing soil samples with various chemicals and wearing fun gloves and cool goggles. :)
I got to lay on the lush carpet of green grass in the library and soak in the sun's warmth as I read a few chapter of Great Expectations before my night class. :)
I went to my Victorian Fiction class and discussed Dickens, watched a clip of G.E., and took a test where I wrote a HANDWRITTEN essay (my first one in perhaps two years?). Jesus was kind and provided energy to last till 11 pm! :)
Had a yummy cappucino smoothie. :)
Upon arriving back to my apt and sprawling on the floor, my entertaining roommate proceeded to sing and dance a song from a recital she had attended. So grateful for her. :)
Talked about various things with my dear brother on the phone. :)
Realized that there are only seven more days till Guatemala.

Was reminded that GOD is GOD and I am not. His strength is sufficient. His joy is supernatural. He loves me.

Countdown: 8 days to go

Thoughts of the day: http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/my_utmost/utm.cgi

I am leaving for Guatemala next Saturday morning, quite early in the morning. WOOHOO.

There is great excitement in my heart, but much preparations that are still to be done, mostly concerning last minute fundraising for things that I need to bring, a massive bracelet-making endeavor, and completing all the homework that I will miss in  school during one of the two weeks I'll be gone.

I've attempted to blog twice these past few days and halfway finished two postings, to only get caught up with other things. But something that has been decided today: I need to postpone my 30 days on a dollar-a-day and resume it when I return. I have completed 21 of the 30 days so far, but have not been in the best physical and spiritual shape to prepare myself for this upcoming trip due to my limited caloric intake. A turning point came two days ago when I knelt by one of my dearest bosses' chair, crying, as she prayed over me, asking the Lord to fill me with great peace, strength, vigor, and wisdom to prepare myself for this medical missions trip which He has clearly annointed (He has done great things for my team and I this week by providing key provisions, like 2900 crayons, and softening the hearts of the Guatemalan bankers to release funds we sent for the purchase of medicine to our contact person without bribery). Oh praise Him! It has been such a struggle internally and externally for me these past few days, and there has been much unrealized spiritual warfare, that the peace and joy that He has restored today is so refreshing to my soul. He has used the Body to encourage me time and time again, from the various friends who have volunteered their time, energy, and resources to help me bake goodies or make things; to the friends who text me, call, or hug me, reminding me that they're praying for me; to the ones who have bought me personal toiletries and promise to send me off with yummy dried fruit and trail mix.

I decided last night that it would be the wisest choice for me to resume "normal" eating patterns to build myself up physically, and I have noticed a great difference today in my mental alert and focus. I was even able to run and do various other exercises in the gym, and felt so grateful to be able to move my limbs without the thought of possibly passing out. Praise Him! I was able to eat a whole orange today without thought of how the cost of one small piece of fruit was half of my diet, and then enjoyed two slices of PIZZA (oh my goodness, what luxury!) for dinner with many friends.
Also, one of my Nutrition projects that is due next week involves me logging my daily consumption and analyzing it, and my professor specifically stated that I could NOT use my dollar diet, so that's another factor into this decision. 

The night ended with getting a call from Kyler from Nepal, and studying with two goofy brothers who have been so dear to me since we started college a few years ago. Now, I am going to finish some more homework and study for a test for tomorrow. What a privilege. Good night! :)

Day 18--Counting the Cost

This morning, I have been reminded that I must count the cost.
I must count the cost of doing this dollar/dollar fifty a day diet. I have to confess that in the gluttony and physical wearyness of my mind and body yesterday evening, I consumed more chocolate than I have in the past few months combined. It was sickening, and I woke up nauseous this morning. I forgot the cost.


After a breakfast of oatmeal and milk, I read this and turned to various passages in Matthew and Luke, specifically Luke 14:26-33:

²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me, and does not ^[a]hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. 

²⁷Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 

²⁸ For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? 

²⁹ Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, 

³⁰ saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ 

³¹ Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 

³² Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends ^[b]a delegation and asks for terms of peace.

³³ So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.

Much more than just this diet, I must count the cost of being a disciple of Christ. This cost is great and was not commanded lightly. Luke 9: 57-62 says this:

⁵⁷ As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” ⁵⁸ And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” ⁵⁹ To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” ⁶⁰ And Jesus^[a] said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” ⁶¹ Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” ⁶² Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

This is very heavy on my heart right now. God is calling me to a complete surrender, to a letting go of people in my life and the possessions that I own.  I am going to spend the rest of this day fasting and seeking more of what this means in my life.

Day 15- An apple, a glass of milk, and meta narratives

Midnight: mushroom coffee (from Malaysia, courtesy of Suzy. My favorite caffeinated drink!) $0.14
Breakfast: oatmeal with raisins and a cup of MILK! (It made the oatmeal super creamy and delicious.) $0.37
Lunch: ramen with egg, and carrot slivers $0.36
[failed attempt: sauteed dandelion greens. Picked from my adventures yesterday evening.]
Dinner: apple with 2 tbs peanut butter $0.51
Late snack: 3 wheat biscuits $0.12
Total:  $1.50

The highlights of today's meals were definitely the apple and the milk. I had not had milk for more than 2 weeks, so it was such a treat!  We may gag at the thought of having to drink powdered milk here in the States, but this is the way that many third world countries consume "milk" and it is a luxury to them!

After taking my very first Hopper test in Islam, my class went to hear Dr. Denison speak about the Arab Spring. It was absolutely FASCINATING. For an hour, he talked about the meta narratives of several key Middle Eastern countries and its politics, conflicts, instabilities, religious factions, and American responses in the past. Ironically, alot of what he covered during his lecture was also on the exam.
If I can challenge you today, I'd challenge you tonight to pray for Muslims that Isa  (Jesus) would appear to them in dreams and visions. He loves them so much! We are commanded to love them also, instead of making oversimplified generalizations or hardening our hearts towards them.
---------------------------------------------------

P.S. Meet Emma and Edi, two of my precious roommates!

WOW.

I have had a moment of epiphany.


In the truest and most original definition of that word.


A few hours ago, I laid on my floor discouraged and disheartened, on my face praying aloud Prov. 3:5-8.

God showed up.

He led me through Matt 4, Heb 2, Gen 3, Deut 8, and for a few hours straight, I furiously scribbled in my journal, voraciously read through Scripture, and laid paralyzed by the weight of the convictions and glory of what He had to say to me. I'm still in a state of shock right now.

On a much lesser note, I have decided that I am indeed going to increase my food limit to $1.50. My body has needed extra nutrition these past two weeks, and I am really looking forward to incorporating a glass of [powdered] milk and a piece of fruit every day.

Day 14

Verse of the day: " He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High 
   will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." Ps. 91:1

Today has been splendid. I was able to spend time with the Lord outside in the grandeur of His creation. I had my dinner of brown rice and egg on the verdant lush carpet of grass in the woods and roamed around, dug plants, watched the sunset, and was silent. My heart is full.

A snapshot by the pond

The dandelions I dug up. Yuum!

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast: 1/2 c raisins, 1 small homemade wheat biscuit  (This was just a little past midnight, and I was up late studying, and couldn't stop munching on these purple guys. My friend Hope and I had made biscuits with very minimal ingredients using wheat flour straight from the mill that was $.096 per cup.) $0.40

Lunch: 1.5 c spaghetti with 2 tbs sauce $0.22

Snack: have to admit this, but I had a small bite of a brownie $0.12

Dinner: 1.25 c brown rice, egg $0.25

Approx total: $0.99

Happy, happy birthday, Alex Martinez! Thank you for blessing me with that voicemail today, and I'm sorry I could not make your bday dinner tonight!

Day 13

HUGE PRAISE OF THE DAY: Got this email from Thali, my Guatemalan team leader this morning. Remember how I asked for prayer for the $12,00 needed for the medicine?
Here is how God answered!

"we all better get on our knees and praise our God. i'm at work and have

to take time to tell you that the medicine guy needed the money today to 

order all the meds, including eye drops, and the Lord arranged for $13,500 

to buy the meds and the eye drops."

WOAH! When I talked to them on Sunday, it was estimated that we only had $3600,

and somehow, miraculously, $13,500 was provided today! PRAISE GOD!!! 

WOOHOO! God is seriously lavishing His provision on this trip!

Anyway, today has been such a sweet Valentine's day. One of roommates, Julie, made the whole apt delicious strawberry  smoothies for breakfast (which I approximated to be $.50). I was able to study for Islam with Joan, who shared the cool story of how she married her husband out of complete obedience to God because she was not at all attracted to him for a long time, and then had "lunch" (aka sipping water) with a middle school friend. I then went to work to find the men of the office had gotten pink roses for all of the women of the office (there's a 2:10 ratio of men to women) with a hilarious note.Another friend popped in to drop off a delicious-looking red velvet cupcake, and then I had an awesome friend drop by to give me the very best Valentine's card I have ever received.

To be honest, as I am approaching the halfway mark, I am seriously praying and seeking God about increasing my dollar limit to up to $2 (or an amount slightly less than that). One of my main goals of this challenge is to be able to prepare myself in all ways for my Guatemalan trip, and it has been very trying with my busy schedule eating approx 900 kcal per day. Today, I had a smoothie ($.50), an apple ($.38), and a handful of pretzels ($.15), but went to a dear friend's apt for a surprise bday dinner. Going into it, I knew that I had the option of not eating at all, but I had spent the day in prayer about it, and felt like I had freedom to fellowship and celebrate this wonderful occasion by partaking in some food, so I had one small chicken tender, a medium dollop of mashed potatoes, a corner of salad greens, and a square of cornbread which I estimate all to be around $1. Therefore, I have definitely gone over today, but remain confident about finishing this challenge, though I will most likely change my limit. Please pray for wisdom for this.

I stumbled upon this very interesting video today! This is what one dollar will buy in Guatemala:

Day 11

This morning started out a little differently for a Sunday morning. I went to church and went to the prayer room, expecting to see a few beloved faces of the prayer team that I'm part of. There was no one there. (In a church of 11,000 people, this is quite rare, although our prayer group is still rather small...) I spent about an hour with the Lord by myself, going through some prayers in the New Testament, and listening to the birds chirp in the courtyard outside as the sunshine gleamed through the windows. Silence. I don't partake in that enough.

To be quite honest, these past two days have been tough as I've battled (and lost) to my gluttonous flesh. So many lovely people have given me treats and foods out of their kind hearts or due to a premature celebration of  V-day, so I've eaten bits and pieces of those treats and gone over my dollar limit. Other times, at night, my overworn body has simply gone to default mode, and my default mode is to consume everything in sight, so that's led to more cheating. Sigh. The enemy is quite crafty in our weak moments! God has been so gracious and giving me many passages in 1 Corinthians about overcoming temptation, though, and remaining humble and accountable to others continuously. However, I have started praying more about what to do in situations when it's inevitable that people will give me food and it is the best response to accept the food and eat it (for example, in cross cultural ministry).

On the way back from church, we stopped by Vickery to pick up Patrick and Godfree, and had an edifying time laughing and encouraging one another as we drove through the maze of highways in downtown Dallas. The topic? Our identity in Christ, primarily in our satisfaction with our outer appearance. G and P told us of how in Africa, women are preferred who are more buxom and curvy ("but not 'fat' ") as opposed to the Western concept of being model-thin. Then, we went around the truck and edified one another: "Heath, I like your beard," "Alex, you have a great smile," "Syeldy, I like your smile and [asian] eyes, and what do you call the black spot below your eye?" Haha! As Psalm 139 says, we truly are "fearfully and wonderfully made."

I think life is made up of many wonderful small moments that are as quick as a blink. It JUST started snowing here a few minutes ago, and I heard my ecstatic guy neighbors yelling as they eagerly rushed out to view the little flakes. I soon joined them, and there were three of us leaning against the apt balcony whooping and hollering as we tried to capture the white flakes with our tongues. Somehow, a moment like that evoked so much pleasure and delight and pure humour, that I couldn't help but laugh one of those deep-from-your-gut laughs that make you feel like you just did 75 crunches. Thank You, Jesus, for the wonders of Your creation!

Breakfast: Energen ($0.13)
Lunch: Ramen, then a 1/2 c brown rice with 1/4 c chili ($.46)
Snack: A few raisins, 2 crackers, a few grapes ($0.25)
Dinner: Two slices wheat bread with sweet condensed milk ($0.15)
Total: $.99

Prayer Request from my Guatemalan Team:  We need to raise $12,653 for the cost of medicine alone. So far we have raised approx $3600. Please pray for supernatural provision!

Day 8

The day started off with prayer. A group of friends and I meet in my apt every Thurs morning to pray for each other, to pray for the nations, and it was wonderful.

Breakfast (running late): a cup of Energen. $0.13
Lunch: brown rice, one fried egg, wild green onion, 1 tbs of fresh salsa $0.29
Snack: another cup of Energen $0.13
Dinner: brown rice, one boiled egg, wild green onion, salsa $0.29
Snack: a handful of raisins $0.14
Approx total: $0.98

On the way to my first class, though, I got a text message from my best friend, saying to check another friend's facebook status, and it read this: "Well for those who don't know. my brother Tim's patrol was hit by an IED very early this morning. Tim lost both of his legs in the explosion. from what i have heard he is stable and the doctors are saying he should live. please keep my family in your prayers and especially my brother." 


When I was 15, my family had moved to the Middle East and I had met a bunch of missionary kids who became my closest friends. Though I was better friends with Tim's older brother, Phil, I still thought of Tim as a younger brother. Phil and Tim are now both Marines, but this awful accident has apparently happened. Please pray for this family right now!

Day 7--Seeking More

Seven--the number of completion.
I have endured one whole week, praise the Lord! As silly as it sounds, when I first started last week, I thought to myself that if I would be able to endure the first seven days, then I would be able to get through this challenge, and here I am...
Today, a few key people have encouraged me to keep on going and to keep seeking the deeper purposes of God for me through this time. I have to admit that these past few days have been filled with internal grumbling and complaining as I have set my mind on foods that I could not eat, instead of using those pangs to remind myself of God. Reading His word today, He showed me Deut 8:3 through the accounts of Jesus' temptation in Matthew 4 and Luke 4.
"He humbled you and let you be hungry and fed you with manna which you did not know...that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but that man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of God." 


I am learning this, be it ever so slowly and begrudgingly as my gluttonous self rears its ugly head quite often, but I am slowly discovering the joy of being sustained by God and not by man orby man's food. Hunger and thirst is absolutely mandatory in our walk with Him, for it is leading me deeper into the presence of God. As I type this, I'm realizing this powerful fact: I live by what proceeds from the mouth of God. Wow. Not food, not people's words, not my own dreams or my own plans,  but I move and breathe and be out of that which proceeds out of the mouth of God. Let us not miss out on this spiritual component of living.


"Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" Jesus asks in Matt. 6:25. Absolutely! That is why he continues that chapter to say, then "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness." He asks us, invites us, beckons to us urgently: "Come and seek Me! Seek Me and live! Come and take up your cross and follow me! Come and lose your life for My sake!"

These words have haunted me these past few days. I have been so challenged by them.
 I have decided: I want the theme of my life to be in the losing of my life. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This morning began with an early walk with my lovely roommate Emma. We went in search of wild edible things we could dig up to supplement my diet (I'm quite grateful for Dr. Noyes and her Botany class that showed me the marvels of creation!) and found some wild onions, carrots, and dandelions by the creek that we dug up with a spoon (haha) and put in brown paper bags. My breakfast consisted of two homemade oatmeal squares and Energen ($.29). Lunch was another cup of Energen ($.13), and dinner was spicy Ramen soup with some bits of cabbage, carrots, and egg ($.40). Dessert included a small piece of a graham cracker, several raisins, and one walnut ($.18). What a feast!

This day is winding down with homework and the news from a dear friend that she would like me to be one of her bridesmaids! (Emma and I just danced around my room, screaming "I'm going to be a bridesmaid, I'm gong to be a bridesmaid!" Hilarious.) My heart overflows with the fullness of this last semester of college. Thank You, Abba.